my job

I have taken a job as a nanny.  I don't know if I can keep it.  The little girl I take care of?  Every time she laughs my heart breaks.

They should make a movie...

It's 2;30 in the morning, and even though I promised myself that this blog would not focus completely on the fact that I am as barren as a desert and bitchy to go with it, all I can think about it this.

Holy shit, I can't have children.

This is a very large DUH.....

But something it hits me.  Mostly in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and I end up watching some kind of stupid romantic comedy that always ends in the happy happy couple having a baby or finding out they are pregnant, or deciding to get pregnant.

I propose a movie about real life.  About $150,000.00 in medical debt and four surgeries and miscarriages and death and fights about whether to keep trying or to just throw in the towel because there is no way you can face another loss in your life.  A movie about fighting for your right to grieve a loss that no one will ever understand unless they have been there.  A movie about a depression so deep and endless that the face in the mirror morphs into shapes that you can't even name because no one has ever seen them before.

But who wants to watch a movie like that?

Feels like a Tiffany day

My nails are red.  They are hardly ever red.  I wish they were blue.  Feels like a blue day.  Here is the one I am thinking-called "For Audrey" by China Glaze.

This time I used a sparkly topcoat.  Meh, I don't know, mostly I just feel blue today, and I think that one is not nearly dark enough.

Maybe I just need a daily dose of Holly Golightly.  Audrey was the best.

Next to me, of course.


Naw...she's still the best.

So this is me

So hi all!  Some of you are here because you followed from my other blog.  I had to stop writing there because people are mean.  Long story, not gonna get into it...but lets just say the mean people got to stay in Iowa and that's punishment befitting of mean people.  Some of you are here because you were lucky enough to come across me.  You have no idea how happy you should be.  I suggest jumping around to show your happiness.  Then email me a picture of you jumping around so I know how happy you are.

So my name is Sara Jean.  Everyone calls me Sara.  Except my husband, grandmother, and mother call me Sara Jean.  I don't know why no one else calls me by my full name.  They just don't.  I have a friend named Jeremy who calls me Jelly Bean, cause it rhymes with Sara Jean.  He's still in Iowa too....but not cause hes mean.  This is me.

I have a husband named Dan.  Not to be confused with my ex-husband, Daniel.  Or my oldest friend and penpal Daniel.  Or this dude named Danny that works at the Mother-Fucking Stop and Go down the street.  It's all kinds of confusing.  Good thing I am smart.  Dan and I have been married over three years.  We love each other.  I feel I have to say this because there are many people out there who don't love me, and he does, which is awesome.  Although I am pretty sure the only people out there who don't love me are stupid.  Or live in Iowa and have had all their intelligence sucked out of them with the humidity and Cedar Rapids farts.  I could be wrong.  This is him.  And me.  He's super handsome.

I have a dog named Sassy.  She's a Shih Tzu.  Her birthday is May Day and she's 7 years old.  She loves me.  But she loves everyone.  This is her in winter.  She's the best.

I have a kitty cat named Bandit.  He's fat.  He will be 3 years old on August 1st.  I am going to bake strawberry lime cupcakes for him.  Well, he can't eat them...but I will.  This is him relaxing.

I have a kitty cat named Rogue.  She's not even a year yet.  She's orange and white and kind of a bitch, but I like her that way.  Her tail is very fuzzy.

Dan and I don't have any kids.  I had a hysterectomy last year because of complication from Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, and PCOS.  We tried to have a baby for years.  I still suffer from the pain of endo, and even though I wish it was different, lots of my posts will probably deal with it.  Cause it sucks, and its a large part of my life.  I haven't figured out how to blame this on Iowa yet....but I am sure given enough time I can come up with something lol!

My best friend is Sonja.  She's awesome.  She lives down the street from me.  I still can't believe I live so close to her.  We met online because she has Endo too.  This was back when I lived in Hell.  She has a cat named Alex, and she's fat too.  The cat, not Sonja.

There isn't much else to tell.  I am sure by this time tomorrow I will have something to write about.  All I have now is that I feel better after my bath.  And I should have shaved my legs.  Oh well, hindsight.


Love and Cupcakes!
-Sara